Road To Recovery Part 1

I am using New York and my passions as a reminder of the complete Self I am. Of course, the thoughts of the things that are making me anxious would appear, but overall I was successful.

I went to eat at Cafe Con Leche with my sister, my brother in law and a friend of his. At that time, I met a gal, Liz, who is going through some of the same things I am going through, so it is nice to find support. Through her, I learned about my current situation. At the same time, I enjoyed a walk in Central Park and got to know a Castle. Sis and I also cried together over recent deaths for five minutes, because some things in Central Park reminded us of loved ones. But we composed ourselves and at the end we enjoyed.

After I said goodbye to them, I enjoyed a leisurely walk through the streets of Manhattan, although I was looking for the 6 train, that would connect with the N or R trains to go to Astoria. I had a book club there. We were discussing The Kite Runner, which I finished fortunately before the tragic events and difficult decisions of last week happened to me. But the people were warm and friendly. I guess this is what I need, filling my life with more people and activities.

I missed going to the Mandir in Deepawali ("Festival of Lights" in India). I wanted to spend it even with Sahishnu and Laxmi or with Sattvic, but there were reasons why I couldn't do it, the only one I can reveal being that it would not be nice to go to a festival while mourning a death.

Anxiety came from time to time, but not as much. I guess I just needed to keep things fun but calm. I am not looking for excitement as much as I am looking for peace. And I think today I made a remarkable job.

Old Friends Random places And DUMBOs that are not elephants

Swapna and Harshit came and left too fast. With Swapna, I visited Omonia Cafe three times in a row. We also ate at Rice and Beans at the 9th avenue, and my best recomendation for you guys is to try the fried yuca and the deserts. I also took Swapna alone to Caracas Arepa Bar, where I am planning to take, G, Sahishnu and Laxmi, Som and his wife and Sattvic... At different times, of course.

The Kid decided to just swing back in my life, although we only talk occassionally. We still talk about a lot of stuff, and I know he is seeing someone else, and still going to clubs, which he likes.

Two weeks ago, I watched Loins of Punjab, which is a hillarious movie. The theatre is at Midtown Manhattan and is called Imaginasian. I would love to see more movies in this theatre. The group of people I went to see the movie with were warm and friendly and I am in touch with one of them. There are three more people who live in Queens I should get in touch with as well. We also went to Yuva, and it is a great restaurant.

A week ago, on a sunday, I decided to embark in one of my adventures. I decided to take the E train towards Jamaica, but I got down in Van Wick which is basically the middle of nowhere. I then decided to take a bus that would run through a significan portion in Queens, and leave you just at the shore of Manhattan. You can see a sharp contrast the more you get closer to Manhattan. The houses and stores go from more humble to more residential. I just stopped at Tierra Sana to grab a bite there (in my usual saving tradition, I get only apethizers!) and then got back to the same line towards Manhattan to meet Swapna and Harshit at the Empire State.

I want to leave this weekend for writing tonight. There are interesting experiences like the MOMA and the DUMBO festivals that need to be recorded in a single entry.

A Great Colorful Week

Last week was great in many ways (Although it was ominous in others, like the death of a dear friend of the family!

Monday: Went to Bryant Park for an international chat. It was interesting being with average joes and plain janes besides the tent where they were celebrating Fashion Week! Unfortunately, I could not stay for long because I had to go to see Bottle Shock at the Quad Cinema with another group. Not only the movie was worth it (not exactly a classic, but it was worth my 10 bucks!) but then I moved on to talk about the movie with two of the guys of the group in a cozy coffee shop! My perfect night!

Tuesday: A Friendly Neighbour decided to help me out to save while buying groceries. He took me to Costco's where he is a member and adviced me what was worth buying there!

Wednesday: Sattvic and I went to watch the game of the Mets Vs the Washington Nationals live! It was the first time for both of us and the first time watching a game. It was funny because then Sattvic and I both discovered we were both afraid of heights, but were watching the game from such a height anyway.
That night, we both returned to Jackson Heights and we both talked about love. We seemed to be on the same page except that at times I seemed more bitter. He said that he has been in love, and I replied that I am not sure I was ever in love "although I did love the guys I was with, and suffered for the breakups. He would tell me that his belief was that this kind of love comes with time and with the right person. All this discussion was while eating a Mexican food.

Friday: Sattvic was bored and decided to come over to my place. We watched Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo, and I showed him this blog. So in other words, he is the second person offline and the first in New York that knows about it, but we have grown to be very good friends and I am not being too revealing or personal in my blog anyway, so why not.

Saturday: I went to the art galleries of Chelsea on my own and then met G., Chaitya and Aish in a Jazz Bar in the West Village. It was yet another of those perfect nights! A jazz bar and four gals! (It felt like a Sex and the City chapter at times!) The only complaint I have is that I don't like to drink in public places and I had to pay 13 dollars for the stupid drink and had to force myself to drink a bit. G. gave me some ideas about how this could be worked out next time. I overall had fun with the gals!

Sunday: Another solo coffee shop day and then went to buy a variety of vegetables. Also caught up with Nishant (who is in India, but is moving to NJ (Woo Hoo!) and with S, after a while not chatting (Dang, when is he visiting New York anyway) I am also planning the weeknights with Swapna. I topped the week cooking an awesome pasta with vegetables, tomato paste and fake meat. Delicious!

Looks Like I Need to Get Back In Loop

OK, I have come out of the shadows.

I have gotten to know more of Astoria. There is a meetup group devoted to dinner here, and I go from time to time. I already went to Indigo Lounge and I shared my table with an interesting bunch of people including a smart American gal who has travelled to a lot of countries (can't remember her name). The guys were fun too. I am looking forward to meet the group again.

Last saturday I hung out with G. to watch a Hindi movie: Bachna Ae Hasino. There, I met two of G's cousins who were cool fellows. We went to eat at Coffee Shop Bar and talked a lot before I visited Ganesh at his university. Ganesh told me he was attracted to me and I turned him down. I am not ready to tell you why yet. In fact, there are other changes in my life that I am still not ready to tell. Hopefully, Ganesh and I are still good friends. He is a very cool guy to hang out with.

As for Bachna Ae Hasino... The ending was happy but unrealistic. I would have prefer the ending with the protagonist's redemption alone, but what to do.

Today I was going to watch a movie or two at the ACE film festival. I am still deciding. Satvic told me to be careful because there is going to be a storm, so I am really having second thoughts. And if the weather shows any indication, I don't think I will go down to Manhattan to party either. However, Sunday is full of options...

I am frequenting Sattvic's company quite a bit. We have both gone to the park in Astoria, as well as Central Park. JS and N. would join us (or to be more accurate, I would join them) and we went to Chipotle in Amsterdam Avenue. The Burrito Bowl is a good option for me, since I don't eat the bread in the Burritos. I also met the Ganesh Mandir with Sattvic and his mother.

The other thing. The Kid dissappeared from my life. We just wanted different things from each other.



Yesterday, after a visit, Sattvic left me on the 3oth Avenue in Astoria. I decided to eat at Goswabi on my own. I highly recommend the Veggie lovers sushi. It is delicious.

In Which I Explain Why Do I Have a Hard TIme Blogging Without Saying Too Much

All I can tell you is that there have been some changes in my life, but it is still to early to know where I am headed. Things for the time being look promising, but I don't want to get too excited yet. As the path becomes more clear and solid, I will tell you what it's all about, but this is the reason I have had a hard time blogging; it is hard to tell the public about undefined situations, especially when much of your life is devoted to such projects.

But man, I have not gone to Manhattan for quite some time and I miss it!

I want to see my old classmates soon. Especially Vic and Som. I wonder if there is any way I could join these two together, since they were classmates too, and both live in New Jersey. Tomorrow I am going to Jersey anyway, so I will take time to call both.

Today I will go to the Indian Parade in Manhattan, and see a few of my retreat friends. I am also planning to go tonight to watch Tell No One.

Cravings: Your Worst Enemies... And other Things that Set New York Apart.

Cravings can be your worst enemies... But in my current case, it has nothing to do with dieting and everything to do with keeping the budget.

I had a big craving of rice and vegetables. So, I tried to look for a place to eat that stuff and I ended up eating in a Brazilian buffet.

Now, in my experiences, buffets in New York are different than buffets in other cities by one important factor: they weigh the food and you pay according to the weight. An annoying thing if you ask me, because you have to be carefully arranging the food so you don't pay more than what you intend to pay.

I can't remember the name of the Brazilian buffet where I ate today, but it is located in Broadway, if you get down of the train and the bridge on the left side.

Another anecdote of New York singularities: I was once returning home with The Kid when we passed by the New York Sports Club, a gym close to my home, also in Broadway. The Kid asked "Instead of going to those gyms in Manhattan, why don't you go there?"
"Because this is New York City." I replied.
See, I would love to go to that gym. In a perfect world, I would afford it. But reality is that you go to gyms according to your budget rather than according to the distance or whether you like it. I don't even want to try new passes. I would suffer.

And is it just me or some lounges are becoming the economic answer to clubs, at least in Manhattan? Lounges are too small to get a pack dancing, and I think that with age I have grown tired of small places that are too crowded. Last saturday I went to Leopard Lounge/Sing-Sing after I met VJ for dinner and I didn't last too long in there. I felt claustrophobic, to tell you the truth. Besides, it was, well "one more party," but I went to meet The Kid there.

Jersey and the Accents.

Last Friday was the day to visit Suburbia again... I went to Newport, New Jersey and found The Kid there. The going to Newport gave me some surprises...

1. The mall is great! and some necessary things will be bought there, I think, like makeup.
2. The Jackson Heights of Newport (I wish I knew its name). And they had a great authentic quality of Indian food as well. I forget the restaurant where we eat, but boy, the best dosas I had in a while are there.
   

The Kid also became romantic with me again. Especially during our return from New Jersey to New York. I like the physicality of it all (No, no sex, but the mere hugs, kisses, holding hands) and strangely enough, I feel a mixture of flattery and suffocation when he shows jealousy when I talk to or about other guys.

Ironically enough, there was a Latin party in the Guggenheim, but it became late in New Jersey to go there at all. I was tired

So, what else.

On Saturday, I went to the Gita studies... And it seems Satvic and I always find each other in the same train. When we returned, we talked about many things, like his observation that, while the Mandir can be a place for spiritual pursuits, it can also serve as a network. Satvic and I talked so much in the train returning to Queens that I missed my stop, but it mattered little. Then, Satvic and I started talking about accents. I was making the observation that, like me, Satvic came to the United States when he was 19 years old (and I don't know his age, but I assume he is either my age or no more than two years younger). My accent is this exotic mixture from nowhere, product of refusing both the horrible South Carolinean accent and having a majority of friends from everywhere but South Carolina back in college (and that includes American friends, most of whom were from different states, or second generation foreigners). Satvic, instead, speaks like a perfect New Yorker, and I told him that "But of course" he replied, "I am a New Yorker." Then came the compliment that made my day... I always speak with a smile in my face! I was not that aware of it, you know.

Don't worry, I won't get cocky about it.

A Pool Closes, A Pool Opens, Dollars I have to Make worth... And the Weekend's best Laid Plans.

1. Not having bought groceries last sunday, I have had to eat my breakfast outside. It has been for the most part $1 Nature Valley bars that I buy on my way to work. Except for today, when I went to Starbucks and took one small protein shake from a brand of smoothies I don't remember. It is low in calories.
2. Today, however, I ate bits here and there, perhaps because walking a lot in the middle of the heat makes you hungry and loose energy. Let alone that I had a very busy (and very accomplished) day at work. So I ate a small sandwich at Thalia, an ice cream yogurt, a cereal bar and some chocolate... I guess I am going to have to walk a little less...
   
3. I explored some stores, including Sephora. I experimented with some makeup and I was pleased with what I got. It looked natural but I looked more fresh. I will buy this next friday with my fat check (don't get me wrong, I won't burn all the money, OK?
4. My best female friend and ex-roommate in college, who I will call Swapna (oddly enough, this is the second time I rename someone with the name of someone else I know. But this is the name that I can make a connection with) is coming to New York this coming September. I told her she could stay at my house, something I will tell Jess soon. Swapna's fiancee, "Harshit," might come too, reason for which I need to investigate an accomodation. Swapna comes both for a course of Genetics here, and to look for a job in New York. As much as I love this apartment and I am very pleased with Jess, if Swapna lands on a job and has not married Harshit at that time, I will move with her... That will be in a year though.
5. So anyway... On the job front, things have got much better. I started seeing four clients and I even saw five today. And even in complicated cases, I managed. It boosted my confidence as opposed to last week.
6. On Sunday, I went with Satvic to a Mandir (for those not Indian or familiar with Hinduism or Indian terms, Mandir is synonim of Hindu Temple). It is North Indian and Bengali for the most part, but it is near my house. I am still eager to go to the South Indian Mandir in Jamaica, the Ganesha Temple with the Jeweler, but I will have to talk to her. Or maybe I will go on my own. I am most familiar with South Indian traditions, and my trend of having a bunch of South Indian friends has not changed since I moved to New York. But I will definitely will come back to the mandir near Astoria quite often.
7. But speaking of friends in communities, tomorrow there is a Latino party in Guggenheim. There is also another one on Saturday. I want to go to the one on friday because it is more of a networking event. I was telling The Kid that I don't want to party every single friday and saturday. At 29, I have noticed that doing this in two consecutive days wears me out. Now imagine me doing this every weekend. I need more variety, you know.
8. I will work extra hours three days a week. It will be a welcome gain of extra money, extra experiences, and some other good advantages.
9. Touched base with G. We will see each other next week. I need to touch base with quite a few of my classmates!
10. Yesterday I went to the Y! Gym (I enter for free as a perk of working at the agency where I work). It was WAY BETTER than I expected.
11. I am reading Personal Velocity, by Arthur Miller's daughter (The name escapes). It is a great book!
12. An asshole from my earlier years of highschool was talking about me in Facebook saying that I was planing to get even on everyone. And I am getting even, as the best revenge is living well. I used my real name at the time, and right now I am using my nickname, so there is no way for him or the rest to tell that I am around. I knew this because the only worthy classmate I had pointed me to that forum. That confirms I have no interest in connecting with those people!
13. Ohh! Back on Sunday. I went to Jackson Heights and invested in a deal that was there. So, in that store, I was calling the lady Auntie and she asked me if I was from Afghanistan, which is something people tend to ask when I am in Muslim context, wearing a proper South Asian dress. I tend to get mistaken for a lot of nationalities, but this was the first time I was mistaken as Afghan while in jeans and a shirt (I Usually get things like "Italian" "Israeli," "Egyptian" and the sort. G pointed out the equation: "Saying Auntie + Dark hair + Tall + Fair = Afghan/ Persian." I knew in New York, which has double and triple the diversity than South Carolina, where I lived before coming here, people mistaking me for other as the Latina I am would multiply... Interestingly enough, also more Latinos identify me as one of their own without me having to speak. They speak Spanish to me immediately!
    
14. That's all I have so far... Unless I remember other things.
    

Adaptations, Studies, Economy and a Period of Learning

Once August start, I will start studying for my LMSW test. For now, my biggest concern is adapting to work. Last week, it was challenging. This week, so far, my boss seems pleased with my progress, but I need to do well at any rate.

Did I talk about the New York City Parks and Recreations gyms? Didn't I? OK. They are good, especially the ones in Chelsea and East 54. Now, do NOT expect an Equinox or other fancy stuff! They are nice enough though, with all the necessary equipment, and even though I admit I miss my university gym, this community center ones are enough for me. I plan to alternate these with the Y! gym in Manhattan, because it is free for the employers of my company. Tomorrow I am planning to go.

S. called me last thursday, because he was going to India. He called me from the airport minutes before he left. That is very sweet of him. Last sunday I spoke to him via chat also and he told me Hyderabad was more crowded and other more changes last time he went. "I feel like a tourist here, " he would say. "Streets that used to be familiar to me are completely new." Made me wonder what should I expect from Hyderabad when I go there... Something I plan to do within two or three years.

Let us go back to thursday. I hung out with CK once again and he made some confessions of his own. He is married, but there are issues in his marriage that turned him into a very cynical person. He was also telling me that he saw the same with his friends. I have met another guy with sort of the same vision than him, a guy I used to go to school with. I am basically talking about views on marriage, sexuality and the life of couples. Both of them agree on one thing: live your life as you wish but be clear with others so they don't get hurt. If they get it, enjoy. I will leave it at that.

Now, I guess this is the time I can learn about every view in the continuum. The Kid also told me he does not believe in love either, but he believes in Romance. So, what exactly is love for people? Is it that life in New York turns people into cynics. Is this one of the points in Sex and the City (especially Candance Bushnell's book as opposed to the TV series, although the series had much of it!) Is this a view exclusive of New York? Or is it all over the place? At any rate, sometimes I think, if this is true, I feel I have confirmed being happily single.

So anyway, I guess I already talked about the parties I went last weekend in my last entry. On friday, at the birthday party of Eric Vega, I met Ganesh (I know a Ganesh in real life, and it is not him. Remember that I am changing the names of the people in this blog). It happens that we just clicked. It is like my friend the Jeweler was saying: "In New York, you either click with people or you don't." Ganesh also told me something along these lines when I met him. We went to a place to eat sweets at the Lower East Side (I wish I knew the name! It has a really good Tres Leches, a desert so good that many countries in Latin America claim it their own, although I am humble enough to say that it came from either the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico or Nicaragua) and then we stayed talking at the Union Square for a while. I spent a good time with Ganesh! He called me on Sunday to check on me and see that we could possibly get together in the weekend.

On Saturday I finally met the lady I will call The Jeweler. She has a beautiful jewel store at the Upper East side of Manhattan. She was telling me that the economic situation of the US of A is being felt in businesses like her own. I then met a Turkish friend of hers who was in more or less the same situation... That made me follow both things with interest: the economic situation (although I thread with caution, because these days is hard to tell realistic concerns from naive optimistm or scandalous pesimism) and how the presidential candidates are willing to solve this mess. So yes, I am also following the elections with more interest than before.

At night I learned another lesson; part of the reason I am a bit tired of clubbing (or at least not into it as I was in my early and mid 20's) is about how hard it is to meet people. I honestly prefer networking events, retreats and gettogethers. The last bunch of people I met in Tonic, a bar restaurant in Times Square was right before the Indian-themed party in the second floor, for which they were coming. It is funny that I got the attention of one of them because he saw me writing.

I am also looking forward to meet VJ sometime this week. He lives in Connecticut, but close enough to New York.

Wait for part 2 of this series of entries. I need to finish the pool so the cummulative effects do not come anymore.

The Entry Where I Talk About Networking...

Everybody knows New York is expensive... But that does not mean one has to do things, like staying prisoner in your house.

And with the crowds of New York, it can get lonely...

But it does not have to be this way. One simply has to go carefully, risk some, and network some.

So, for one, I use Meetup and know some people through it. Orkut and Facebook help a lot, but Meetup allows you to meet people in addition to know any good activities and groups.

Another weapon is going to networking events. G. was in an organization that was hosting an event at the Sundaran Tagore Gallery in Chelsea (by the way, I should go to Chelsea more often to see the galleries. It is like entering to mini museums of Modern art. And for free!) I met quite a few souls there.

Also, I went to two parties this weekend: Eric Vega's birthday in Webster Hall (located in the Lower East Side) and an Indian-themed party in Tonic (which is in Times Square!). And I have met some people there.

The retreat I had in May was another good way to meet people.

Also, I have a book called NYC Free and Dirt Cheap as a guide.

So, see, New York can be fun for people under a budget too. It is all a matter of knowing how to manage.

Last Couple of Weeks Part 1: Starting Work , Moving to My Apartment and Figuring Out My Budget.

Thanks partly to lack of internet at home it took me a while to come back to keep you guys posted about my life again (and read of you in the process) didn't it?

Anyway...

There has been way too much going on these past two weeks that I am going to have to break it down. I will try, however, to summarize as much as you can, so it does not feel overwhelming.

I started to work, and so far, it has been a good experience, although I am still adapting. I will talk as little as I can about work because, after all, I work with a lot of clients, so confidentiality is a paramount. I can tell you, however, that I have become well acquainted with Elena, the Puerto Rican lady in the cubicle across from me.

One of the things of living in New York is the awareness of how expensive it can be, and how one has to look for ways for 1.Figure out one's budget, and 2. How to balance the check and buy good things in cheap prices. Or at least decent prices. So, for the time being, my lunch and sometimes even my dinner consists on protein shakes, except for saturdays, sundays and, well, some fridays. This has nothing to do with diet and everything to do with prices. One of the protein shakes, the one I lunch on every day, is $2.25 in the deli I eat it at. The other one has less calories and more protein but is slightly more expensive too. $3 or $4 depending on where you buy it. The upside is that I am loosing some weight, but not very rapidly. In the weekends I eat with friends and oftentimes they pay my meals totally or partially. And by the way, my job gives me an hour of lunch break which is nice, because I can take a walk towards Broadway, or seat in the sun, but whatever I do, I will be out of the stress of work, which trust me, some days can be stressful. I do enjoy my job thought.

Speaking of body issues. I got a new Gym subscription at the New York City Parks and Recreation gyms. I can go to any of them in any of the five boroughs and all for $75 a year. I am starting tomorrow.

I also finally moved to Astoria, which is a beautiful zone in Queens. Manhattan is Manhattan, that is true, but Astoria is pretty damn good with lots of cafes, stores, bodegas to buy fresh fruit at cheaper prices, and some other nice surprises. I think moving to Queens has been one of the best decisions I have made. I still love Manhattan, and stay there long after I finish working, but Astoria is really great, convenient and has places to enjoy on those nights you are too tired to go to Manhattan but still want to have some fun. Also, I have double the space Gabby has in her apartment for more than half the price.

I live with a white American gal, Jess. We get along well so far, and each of us is also doing her own thing, which is the best kind of roommate to have after a good friend. I felt really motivated to clean the house on my own because of this.

I am also happy that G. got a job in New York and is still here. The rest of my classmates are in the suburbs (Jersey, Long Island) so it is good to have someone in one of the boroughs. But also I have made a few friends along the way.

I will break it down in days to come. These are just the first details.