Road To Recovery Part 1

I am using New York and my passions as a reminder of the complete Self I am. Of course, the thoughts of the things that are making me anxious would appear, but overall I was successful.

I went to eat at Cafe Con Leche with my sister, my brother in law and a friend of his. At that time, I met a gal, Liz, who is going through some of the same things I am going through, so it is nice to find support. Through her, I learned about my current situation. At the same time, I enjoyed a walk in Central Park and got to know a Castle. Sis and I also cried together over recent deaths for five minutes, because some things in Central Park reminded us of loved ones. But we composed ourselves and at the end we enjoyed.

After I said goodbye to them, I enjoyed a leisurely walk through the streets of Manhattan, although I was looking for the 6 train, that would connect with the N or R trains to go to Astoria. I had a book club there. We were discussing The Kite Runner, which I finished fortunately before the tragic events and difficult decisions of last week happened to me. But the people were warm and friendly. I guess this is what I need, filling my life with more people and activities.

I missed going to the Mandir in Deepawali ("Festival of Lights" in India). I wanted to spend it even with Sahishnu and Laxmi or with Sattvic, but there were reasons why I couldn't do it, the only one I can reveal being that it would not be nice to go to a festival while mourning a death.

Anxiety came from time to time, but not as much. I guess I just needed to keep things fun but calm. I am not looking for excitement as much as I am looking for peace. And I think today I made a remarkable job.

On Goals, On Life, On Blogs

Geez, blogs require a discipline. If I want to blog, I am going to need such discipline myself. It has been a while since I wrote and there is a lot going on in my life worth blogging about.

I will summarize with lessons I have learned from life and New York.

• If Astoria had a Barnes and Noble and some galleries, it would be perfect.
• I have to stop reading into financial news. It is depressing! It spoils my mood.
• I am learning to type with all of my fingers. It is taking me a while to learn because of certain wired things in my brain, but I have never given up. In fact, I am good with accuracy right now, but I need to work on my speed.
• My new obsession right now is about books of communication. I am especially interested in learning to start conversations, be more assertive and learning body language.
• As for fiction, Sattvic gave me the book Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse. I have read the book before and also watched the movie quite a few times, but it is always worth watching again. In addition, I am finishing to read The Kite Runner.
• I love DUMBO in Brooklyn. I could not make it to all of the interactive stuff around, but even the art galleries were worth exploring. I also went with Sattvic to the Metropolitan Museum of art, which we naturally did not finish.
• I am taking a course of how to apply Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with clients. It is not related to my current job but it is related to my career. In a way, this is also therapy because in order to be an effective Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, I have to learn to apply it on myself. Now, I used to be extremely emotional before, so I already had some practice of how writing made me become less impulsive and emotional because I would step back and see the pattern of my thoughts. Now, I do NOT recommend showing the contents of the book to anyone else, because there is so much emotion pouring to it that it will give your loved ones the wrong idea.
• I will also take an Art of Living course later this month.
• Oh, on Monday I went to Winegasm here in Astoria. It is an amazing place to be. I met a few people but forgot the phone of one of them. I guess I will have to wait for next time.
  

Old Friends Random places And DUMBOs that are not elephants

Swapna and Harshit came and left too fast. With Swapna, I visited Omonia Cafe three times in a row. We also ate at Rice and Beans at the 9th avenue, and my best recomendation for you guys is to try the fried yuca and the deserts. I also took Swapna alone to Caracas Arepa Bar, where I am planning to take, G, Sahishnu and Laxmi, Som and his wife and Sattvic... At different times, of course.

The Kid decided to just swing back in my life, although we only talk occassionally. We still talk about a lot of stuff, and I know he is seeing someone else, and still going to clubs, which he likes.

Two weeks ago, I watched Loins of Punjab, which is a hillarious movie. The theatre is at Midtown Manhattan and is called Imaginasian. I would love to see more movies in this theatre. The group of people I went to see the movie with were warm and friendly and I am in touch with one of them. There are three more people who live in Queens I should get in touch with as well. We also went to Yuva, and it is a great restaurant.

A week ago, on a sunday, I decided to embark in one of my adventures. I decided to take the E train towards Jamaica, but I got down in Van Wick which is basically the middle of nowhere. I then decided to take a bus that would run through a significan portion in Queens, and leave you just at the shore of Manhattan. You can see a sharp contrast the more you get closer to Manhattan. The houses and stores go from more humble to more residential. I just stopped at Tierra Sana to grab a bite there (in my usual saving tradition, I get only apethizers!) and then got back to the same line towards Manhattan to meet Swapna and Harshit at the Empire State.

I want to leave this weekend for writing tonight. There are interesting experiences like the MOMA and the DUMBO festivals that need to be recorded in a single entry.

A Great Colorful Week

Last week was great in many ways (Although it was ominous in others, like the death of a dear friend of the family!

Monday: Went to Bryant Park for an international chat. It was interesting being with average joes and plain janes besides the tent where they were celebrating Fashion Week! Unfortunately, I could not stay for long because I had to go to see Bottle Shock at the Quad Cinema with another group. Not only the movie was worth it (not exactly a classic, but it was worth my 10 bucks!) but then I moved on to talk about the movie with two of the guys of the group in a cozy coffee shop! My perfect night!

Tuesday: A Friendly Neighbour decided to help me out to save while buying groceries. He took me to Costco's where he is a member and adviced me what was worth buying there!

Wednesday: Sattvic and I went to watch the game of the Mets Vs the Washington Nationals live! It was the first time for both of us and the first time watching a game. It was funny because then Sattvic and I both discovered we were both afraid of heights, but were watching the game from such a height anyway.
That night, we both returned to Jackson Heights and we both talked about love. We seemed to be on the same page except that at times I seemed more bitter. He said that he has been in love, and I replied that I am not sure I was ever in love "although I did love the guys I was with, and suffered for the breakups. He would tell me that his belief was that this kind of love comes with time and with the right person. All this discussion was while eating a Mexican food.

Friday: Sattvic was bored and decided to come over to my place. We watched Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo, and I showed him this blog. So in other words, he is the second person offline and the first in New York that knows about it, but we have grown to be very good friends and I am not being too revealing or personal in my blog anyway, so why not.

Saturday: I went to the art galleries of Chelsea on my own and then met G., Chaitya and Aish in a Jazz Bar in the West Village. It was yet another of those perfect nights! A jazz bar and four gals! (It felt like a Sex and the City chapter at times!) The only complaint I have is that I don't like to drink in public places and I had to pay 13 dollars for the stupid drink and had to force myself to drink a bit. G. gave me some ideas about how this could be worked out next time. I overall had fun with the gals!

Sunday: Another solo coffee shop day and then went to buy a variety of vegetables. Also caught up with Nishant (who is in India, but is moving to NJ (Woo Hoo!) and with S, after a while not chatting (Dang, when is he visiting New York anyway) I am also planning the weeknights with Swapna. I topped the week cooking an awesome pasta with vegetables, tomato paste and fake meat. Delicious!

Looks Like I Need to Get Back In Loop

OK, I have come out of the shadows.

I have gotten to know more of Astoria. There is a meetup group devoted to dinner here, and I go from time to time. I already went to Indigo Lounge and I shared my table with an interesting bunch of people including a smart American gal who has travelled to a lot of countries (can't remember her name). The guys were fun too. I am looking forward to meet the group again.

Last saturday I hung out with G. to watch a Hindi movie: Bachna Ae Hasino. There, I met two of G's cousins who were cool fellows. We went to eat at Coffee Shop Bar and talked a lot before I visited Ganesh at his university. Ganesh told me he was attracted to me and I turned him down. I am not ready to tell you why yet. In fact, there are other changes in my life that I am still not ready to tell. Hopefully, Ganesh and I are still good friends. He is a very cool guy to hang out with.

As for Bachna Ae Hasino... The ending was happy but unrealistic. I would have prefer the ending with the protagonist's redemption alone, but what to do.

Today I was going to watch a movie or two at the ACE film festival. I am still deciding. Satvic told me to be careful because there is going to be a storm, so I am really having second thoughts. And if the weather shows any indication, I don't think I will go down to Manhattan to party either. However, Sunday is full of options...

I am frequenting Sattvic's company quite a bit. We have both gone to the park in Astoria, as well as Central Park. JS and N. would join us (or to be more accurate, I would join them) and we went to Chipotle in Amsterdam Avenue. The Burrito Bowl is a good option for me, since I don't eat the bread in the Burritos. I also met the Ganesh Mandir with Sattvic and his mother.

The other thing. The Kid dissappeared from my life. We just wanted different things from each other.



Yesterday, after a visit, Sattvic left me on the 3oth Avenue in Astoria. I decided to eat at Goswabi on my own. I highly recommend the Veggie lovers sushi. It is delicious.

An Enjoyable Blast From The Recent Past

I can tell you one thing. The week before last one was overall wonderful and most of the bad things happened for a good reason (Exception: loosing my camera. *sniff*)

So anyway, on Saturday, I went to meet the guys from the Retreat I met in NY. The only one I met in a more or less regular basis was Satvic, so it was nice to see the rest of the NY gang. We met at Rocco's in West Village (and I, indeed, wondered one thing: How come one gets lost when it comes to meeting with friends? This never happened to me when going solo, or maybe that has to do with my opennes to spontaneity). We ate at a paneer restaurant as well, and while I wanted to watch a French movie my sister recommended (and Satvic wanted to follow), we all ended up watching Pineapple Express, which has a typical independent movie aesthetic to it. Despite the fact that I thought I would miss the chance to watch Tell No One. That I did on thursday night, and I met two souls there. I forgot the name of the theatre at the moment but I know it is in South Houston between first and second Avenues. Not far from the Gita Studies I go with Satvic to.

Last tuesday, I went to the Bohemian Beer Garden in Astoria. It was a lot of fun, and I met a few people I am hoping to catch up with in the next event. It will be great! The place is really nice, and I am glad I made it there before it starts to get cold. I think Ganesh told me about this one before, so it was great to go.

Let us jump to Friday. I went to the movies with Satvic. He knows Queens like the back of his hand, so he walked with me towards the movie theater. We both ate in Panera Bread (I have to take Swapna there) and then we went to the movies.

Satvic surprised me on Saturday. He told me to go to his place to go to the Hindu temple in Manhattan with his family. I said "surprised me" because the original plan was meeting him there. I guess New Yorkers can really be surprising at times. At that temple, we would celebrate the birth of Krishna, or Krishna Janmasthmi. There was a crowd of people of different ethnicities. A great thing. Everyone was dancing, and helping out. I even met one neighbour I want to get to know better. It is good to know people who live a few blocks from you!

As for today, I am going to the Himalaya Tea House to discuss Middlesex. I have yet to read it, but I have never been in a book club, so I guess it will pay. In addition, I am taking a typing course online to type faster.

See you next week, lovelies!

A Pool Closes, A Pool Opens, Dollars I have to Make worth... And the Weekend's best Laid Plans.

1. Not having bought groceries last sunday, I have had to eat my breakfast outside. It has been for the most part $1 Nature Valley bars that I buy on my way to work. Except for today, when I went to Starbucks and took one small protein shake from a brand of smoothies I don't remember. It is low in calories.
2. Today, however, I ate bits here and there, perhaps because walking a lot in the middle of the heat makes you hungry and loose energy. Let alone that I had a very busy (and very accomplished) day at work. So I ate a small sandwich at Thalia, an ice cream yogurt, a cereal bar and some chocolate... I guess I am going to have to walk a little less...
   
3. I explored some stores, including Sephora. I experimented with some makeup and I was pleased with what I got. It looked natural but I looked more fresh. I will buy this next friday with my fat check (don't get me wrong, I won't burn all the money, OK?
4. My best female friend and ex-roommate in college, who I will call Swapna (oddly enough, this is the second time I rename someone with the name of someone else I know. But this is the name that I can make a connection with) is coming to New York this coming September. I told her she could stay at my house, something I will tell Jess soon. Swapna's fiancee, "Harshit," might come too, reason for which I need to investigate an accomodation. Swapna comes both for a course of Genetics here, and to look for a job in New York. As much as I love this apartment and I am very pleased with Jess, if Swapna lands on a job and has not married Harshit at that time, I will move with her... That will be in a year though.
5. So anyway... On the job front, things have got much better. I started seeing four clients and I even saw five today. And even in complicated cases, I managed. It boosted my confidence as opposed to last week.
6. On Sunday, I went with Satvic to a Mandir (for those not Indian or familiar with Hinduism or Indian terms, Mandir is synonim of Hindu Temple). It is North Indian and Bengali for the most part, but it is near my house. I am still eager to go to the South Indian Mandir in Jamaica, the Ganesha Temple with the Jeweler, but I will have to talk to her. Or maybe I will go on my own. I am most familiar with South Indian traditions, and my trend of having a bunch of South Indian friends has not changed since I moved to New York. But I will definitely will come back to the mandir near Astoria quite often.
7. But speaking of friends in communities, tomorrow there is a Latino party in Guggenheim. There is also another one on Saturday. I want to go to the one on friday because it is more of a networking event. I was telling The Kid that I don't want to party every single friday and saturday. At 29, I have noticed that doing this in two consecutive days wears me out. Now imagine me doing this every weekend. I need more variety, you know.
8. I will work extra hours three days a week. It will be a welcome gain of extra money, extra experiences, and some other good advantages.
9. Touched base with G. We will see each other next week. I need to touch base with quite a few of my classmates!
10. Yesterday I went to the Y! Gym (I enter for free as a perk of working at the agency where I work). It was WAY BETTER than I expected.
11. I am reading Personal Velocity, by Arthur Miller's daughter (The name escapes). It is a great book!
12. An asshole from my earlier years of highschool was talking about me in Facebook saying that I was planing to get even on everyone. And I am getting even, as the best revenge is living well. I used my real name at the time, and right now I am using my nickname, so there is no way for him or the rest to tell that I am around. I knew this because the only worthy classmate I had pointed me to that forum. That confirms I have no interest in connecting with those people!
13. Ohh! Back on Sunday. I went to Jackson Heights and invested in a deal that was there. So, in that store, I was calling the lady Auntie and she asked me if I was from Afghanistan, which is something people tend to ask when I am in Muslim context, wearing a proper South Asian dress. I tend to get mistaken for a lot of nationalities, but this was the first time I was mistaken as Afghan while in jeans and a shirt (I Usually get things like "Italian" "Israeli," "Egyptian" and the sort. G pointed out the equation: "Saying Auntie + Dark hair + Tall + Fair = Afghan/ Persian." I knew in New York, which has double and triple the diversity than South Carolina, where I lived before coming here, people mistaking me for other as the Latina I am would multiply... Interestingly enough, also more Latinos identify me as one of their own without me having to speak. They speak Spanish to me immediately!
    
14. That's all I have so far... Unless I remember other things.
    

Hopes, Tough Times, and Fast Advances

My first days in New York have been interesting.

Friday: Went to see my first two apartments, both in Astoria (a beautiful area in Queens). I liked the first because my roommate would be a girl, the kitchen was big enough and it had enough closet space. The second one had a very small bedroom and I did not like it. In addition, I went to a job interview. At night, my friend VJ and I were planning to hang out, but I was really tired, and was going to tell VJ I would cancel. He canceled first ad I could not be happier.

Saturday: During the day I saw one apartment in Sunnyside Queens that I loved. I had a very spacious bedroom in front of the room, a decent enough kitchen, a cute little dog, and a guy who would not be there at night because he owned a night club. On my way, Satvic called to invite me to some Gita studies, but it was so unfortunate I was busy.

In the afternoon, I went to eat with my uncle Ant. and my aunt C. to 212 New York. These are people who have been good friends of my family, particularly my father and my uncle. We were laughing, remembering childhood memories and eating a good breakfast food.

After a beauty routine, and buying a few shirts my sister was suggesting, I returned home to become in contact with BB, an old Facebook friend. We met at the Korean Path, where he was staying. We were trying to look for a place to eat and chill out, and we went through much of Times Square with that purpose. I was afraid that I would choose a restaurant that would end up being expensive. We ended up in a restaurant in the 8th avenue, which name I can't remember. When I read the menu, I thought it was expensive, but he replied it was nowhere near as expensive as Dublin or London. Still, even though he asked for the most expensive entry ($30) I settled for the appetizer ($10... Very expensive for an appetizer).
After that, BB and I went back to the hotel and waited for his friend Raj. From them on, we went back to Times Square searching for a bar or club. We even entered to Hard Rock Cafe, but got out immediately. We ended up at the jazz club at the Columbus Circle, but we were in the third to last song. Then I decided to return because I am still staying with Gabby, and I don't have the key to her apartment.

Sunday: This was a bit of a frustrating day to me. I had some rashes in the skin that did not let me move very well. I saw a couple of apartments. One was too far a walk for the train and too small. The other one did not even have a livingroom. Then, the guy of the Sunnyside apartment called me and I said that I needed to meet him before a final decision, so we decided to meet on Monday. At night Bijilash called to invite me to go to the sight-seeing bus with him, but I was too itched, and needed to wake up tomorrow early.

Yesterday and Today: Work went great, and they are willing to give me a work permit if I pass the probation. YAY! In addition, I called the Sunnyside apartment guy twice, and he did not answer. But Jn called and I accepted. When I was going to look for the key, the guy paged me saying that he would not be in the apartment that night and whether we could finalize details tomorrow, but I made up my mind. (Besides, what guarantees me he would be there tomorrow if he could not keep the appointment and would not call me?) So, now I have a beautiful room in Astoria with a female roommate and three trains nearby! At night, I ate at the apartment of my uncle and aunt, and we went to the sun deck... There was a wonderful view of New York. Too bad I did not bring the camera!!!

And also... Ck, a guy I met at the subway called me. It happens that we were going to meet today, and we had to put it for tomorrow. But then he said "I want to have a date with you." ERRR WHAT? I will go, but I would like to warn him that this is not a date, and that I am not ready for dates. I just need to find the appropriate tone and words to be polite. Either I am overprotecting myself or some people go way too fast!

As a sidenote: The adjustment to New York. Gabby advised me to be highly restricted these first few months in order to figure out how much can I save or I have left from rent and basic needs. My awareness of New York being expensive is making me scared. Before you jump on Gabby, this is something I know already, and from time to time the question of whether I will be able to survive New York haunts me like a ghost. Of course, what I desire the most is friends. But still... I feel scared.

Summarizing the last two days. (Two days away from my return to New York)

Okay, after studying yesterday, I went to Damen. This is an avenue here in Chicago that is famous for its artistic scene and its cafes. When I entered to Reckless Records, which is a record shop famous for having a wide selection of Chicago's local underground bands, and other underground music... It downed on me that I might be one of the few, if not the only Hispanic in the shop. I made a deconstruction of the experience in my other blog.

After that, O. T. paged m. OT is a lawyer and a third generation Mexican American whom I met in Livejournal, where we both blog.. This would be the second time this guy and I would hang out together. He lives in Chicago, but it is in my third visit here that we had the chance to meet personally. We ate at Earwax Cafe (which, despite the potentially repeling name, it serves excellent Vegetarian sandwiches), and then, he decided to show me a bit of the city.

We both walked to a bar in Milwakee, which name escapes me. The owner was very friendly and intelligent and we three talked about politics. We were discussing the possibilities of McCain winning, and he came with the theory that McCain might pick Condolezza as his running mate. That would be the ultimate irony, but I think this election has been about ironies and about being a bit more frank about issues that in America are pretty much taboo (institutionalized racism and sexism still alive). I think I will go about this in my other blog.

Back to the bar: different concerts, and as far as bars go, this one looked really nice, albeit too dark for my taste (but maybe lights were not on because it was still daylight). Then, O.T. walked me much of the way through Damen and we stopped in a second bar. At the beginning, I was reluctant and I wanted to go to the lounge besides it, but I felt I was too informally dressed (it was all in the shoes), so we ended up in the bar.

Aside of the fact that smoking is forbidden in the bars (this law has NOT been passed in South Carolina as I write), the bars here in Chicago have ambience. While I still prefer lounges, I have hope in finding bars with it.

Right after that, OT walked me to the station and we talked a lot about many things. He is an awesome guy and I would definitely love to hang out with him again.

Then, I spoke with SJ, one of my long distance buddies I met rather randomly. We have talked for a year and have built quite a good friendship. He placed new pictures in his profile and I went through them... That after he buzzed me to say hi. Tired to type to him, I decided to call and we talked for a while. Sometimes it is much better to hear a friend's voice. It feels more human.

Today was rather boring. I was disappointed because I wanted to get out for the second to last time before going to New York. But at least I could concrete some appointments of people who will show me apartments (mostly in Astoria, a zone in Queens that I love). In addition, I have various hang out propositions. Let's see how it all pans out.

Arrangements and Displacements

Before I start writing, I might want to warn that for now, I have plans about protecting the privacy of my friends. I will either change the names or use initials or key letters in their names . Of course, I won't spell very juicy gossip either.

Summer greeted me yesterday in a funny way. My otherwise toned down makeup was slightly stronger, and I hope it did not look too dramatic for the day.

I was testing how would it feel like to write inside of a moving train. Lesson learned: the city trains are not good places to write.

This weekend was more socially intense than my average week in Chicago. First, I met KK and Bh, two Telugu guys living in Chicago who I met in the camp I went to in New Jersey. And on Sunday, I visited a married couple of friends.

One of the clear signals that I am in a big metropolis was surrounding me while I was waiting for my friends: the quantity of people and cars, people with extravagant makeups; a whirlwind of activity in other words. For someone who lived in rather smaller and quieter college towns during my first decade in the US of A, this signal hit me full force. Weekends in South Carolina tended to be more shut down.

Anyway, KK, Bh and I walked to the lake, all the way to Navy Pier. During a break of the lake, I noticed some wonderful and weird bicycles (too bad I could not take a picture). As soon as we arrived to Navy Pier, the guys bought tickets to Kung Fu Panda, and then we went to eat in an italian restaurant there (Name forgotten!). I was very curious about the cheeseless pizzas, so I asked for one, and I shared it with the guys, while trying KK's pizza (also without cheese. Plenty of tomatoes instead).
Kung Fu Panda is the first movie I watched in an I-Max theatre. And really, the quality of sound and image was good... But the content of the movie left a lot to be desired, even for a Hollywood production.
After the friend I was going to hang out with me cancelled plans, KK and Bh walked me to the closest Brown Line station. Unfortunately that left me wonder, when will I see the nightlife of Chicago? Then again, I am also wondering when will I see the musical scene of Chicago. I would love to go to Loolapalooza and the Pitchfork festival, but I doubt I will be able to go this year. Maybe next time.

As for Sunday, I visited Radha and Nashu. They are an absolutely awesome couple, and it was nice to see them cooking together. This also made me confirm that arranged marriages can really work for some people. Now, I am not one to recommend everyone to take this path, nor quantify or generalize about people who partook this. As a matter of fact, I have witnessed both sides of the coin when it comes to this issue. But in some people, when done right (meaning, getting to know the person and having a say in the partner), can succeed at times.

One theme arrived in conversations this weekend. Yesterday KK and Bh told me about their intentions to return to India, a theme that re-appeared in today's conversation. See, I am a foreigner who has been out of Venezuela for 10 years. The first few years I wanted to return, but I also visited often. Because of a combination of circumstances, I had to abruptly stop visiting, and that, combined with the political deterioration of my country made me loosen my connection in some levels. Nowadays, I tend to advice others that if they want to return to their countries, to do so while they are not used to America (or whichever country they are at), so the transition is smooth. Such issues as marriage, jobs and, in my case, getting used to how things work in this country and the lifestyle I "created/adopted" here, can make the transition more difficult. I, for one, have lost all hope to go back, although I will still identify as Venezuelan (more on this in future posts. I am sure this will be a recurrent theme). To be honest, this is one constant pain in my life, but I have learned to live with it.
Nashu brought this up when we were talking, because Radha says he did not see dramatic differences between here and India. Nashu said that one of his colleagues went to visit in India and then said that, while she loved it, she was glad of being back in America. Although he also said that, in his experience, transition can run more smoothly when you visit your home country very often.

Ahh tomorrow I will be back with the same studying routine. I return to New York next thursday. Hopefully by then I will be ready to take the licensure text.