Road To Recovery Part 1

I am using New York and my passions as a reminder of the complete Self I am. Of course, the thoughts of the things that are making me anxious would appear, but overall I was successful.

I went to eat at Cafe Con Leche with my sister, my brother in law and a friend of his. At that time, I met a gal, Liz, who is going through some of the same things I am going through, so it is nice to find support. Through her, I learned about my current situation. At the same time, I enjoyed a walk in Central Park and got to know a Castle. Sis and I also cried together over recent deaths for five minutes, because some things in Central Park reminded us of loved ones. But we composed ourselves and at the end we enjoyed.

After I said goodbye to them, I enjoyed a leisurely walk through the streets of Manhattan, although I was looking for the 6 train, that would connect with the N or R trains to go to Astoria. I had a book club there. We were discussing The Kite Runner, which I finished fortunately before the tragic events and difficult decisions of last week happened to me. But the people were warm and friendly. I guess this is what I need, filling my life with more people and activities.

I missed going to the Mandir in Deepawali ("Festival of Lights" in India). I wanted to spend it even with Sahishnu and Laxmi or with Sattvic, but there were reasons why I couldn't do it, the only one I can reveal being that it would not be nice to go to a festival while mourning a death.

Anxiety came from time to time, but not as much. I guess I just needed to keep things fun but calm. I am not looking for excitement as much as I am looking for peace. And I think today I made a remarkable job.

Reflections, On How To Get Back to One's Self!

I have not felt like myself this past week. And by myself it means, the happy, peaceful girl who loves New York.

Way too much going on.

Several events went this past week that made me go in a retreat mood. I have not been this girl who speaks with a smile in her face... I need to recover her.

So, I have a game plan to recover that gal. It has included giving up a few things I have been happy with for a week. But there are other steps...

I need to reconnect with my passions. I think I have had lost touch with it a lot.
I am watching funny movies also.
Thought stopping, trying not to think the things that have overwhelmed me as a result of some events.
And also, thinking which events could I go. I need to reconnect with my passion for books and independent movies, which I have been doing, although not very heartedly.

I actually need to get back I touch with myself. This past week threw me out and I became very existential. I had to be my own Social Worker and my own client last Saturday, just taking a hard look at where I am and where my life is headed.

I am not known for giving up, mind you. If I am seeing I am lacking peace, I go ahead and recover it. I also need to tell others that you should never be hard on yourself when you become extremely anxious. It happens to the best of us. But the idea is to get back to where you have always been.

So, I am trying to cultivate a lot of passions this week that I need to cultivate, as well as taking a small course on new relaxation techniques. I need to put my life in order in order to share my usually happy self with others.

I am sure I will decompress this week.

In other words, if you feel overwhelmed about things, decompress. It is not a matter of staying alone, but a matter to get back in touch with your self and your center. Do a game plan, take a hard look at yourself, and come to grips with things if you need to.

On Goals, On Life, On Blogs

Geez, blogs require a discipline. If I want to blog, I am going to need such discipline myself. It has been a while since I wrote and there is a lot going on in my life worth blogging about.

I will summarize with lessons I have learned from life and New York.

• If Astoria had a Barnes and Noble and some galleries, it would be perfect.
• I have to stop reading into financial news. It is depressing! It spoils my mood.
• I am learning to type with all of my fingers. It is taking me a while to learn because of certain wired things in my brain, but I have never given up. In fact, I am good with accuracy right now, but I need to work on my speed.
• My new obsession right now is about books of communication. I am especially interested in learning to start conversations, be more assertive and learning body language.
• As for fiction, Sattvic gave me the book Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse. I have read the book before and also watched the movie quite a few times, but it is always worth watching again. In addition, I am finishing to read The Kite Runner.
• I love DUMBO in Brooklyn. I could not make it to all of the interactive stuff around, but even the art galleries were worth exploring. I also went with Sattvic to the Metropolitan Museum of art, which we naturally did not finish.
• I am taking a course of how to apply Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with clients. It is not related to my current job but it is related to my career. In a way, this is also therapy because in order to be an effective Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, I have to learn to apply it on myself. Now, I used to be extremely emotional before, so I already had some practice of how writing made me become less impulsive and emotional because I would step back and see the pattern of my thoughts. Now, I do NOT recommend showing the contents of the book to anyone else, because there is so much emotion pouring to it that it will give your loved ones the wrong idea.
• I will also take an Art of Living course later this month.
• Oh, on Monday I went to Winegasm here in Astoria. It is an amazing place to be. I met a few people but forgot the phone of one of them. I guess I will have to wait for next time.
  

Old Friends Random places And DUMBOs that are not elephants

Swapna and Harshit came and left too fast. With Swapna, I visited Omonia Cafe three times in a row. We also ate at Rice and Beans at the 9th avenue, and my best recomendation for you guys is to try the fried yuca and the deserts. I also took Swapna alone to Caracas Arepa Bar, where I am planning to take, G, Sahishnu and Laxmi, Som and his wife and Sattvic... At different times, of course.

The Kid decided to just swing back in my life, although we only talk occassionally. We still talk about a lot of stuff, and I know he is seeing someone else, and still going to clubs, which he likes.

Two weeks ago, I watched Loins of Punjab, which is a hillarious movie. The theatre is at Midtown Manhattan and is called Imaginasian. I would love to see more movies in this theatre. The group of people I went to see the movie with were warm and friendly and I am in touch with one of them. There are three more people who live in Queens I should get in touch with as well. We also went to Yuva, and it is a great restaurant.

A week ago, on a sunday, I decided to embark in one of my adventures. I decided to take the E train towards Jamaica, but I got down in Van Wick which is basically the middle of nowhere. I then decided to take a bus that would run through a significan portion in Queens, and leave you just at the shore of Manhattan. You can see a sharp contrast the more you get closer to Manhattan. The houses and stores go from more humble to more residential. I just stopped at Tierra Sana to grab a bite there (in my usual saving tradition, I get only apethizers!) and then got back to the same line towards Manhattan to meet Swapna and Harshit at the Empire State.

I want to leave this weekend for writing tonight. There are interesting experiences like the MOMA and the DUMBO festivals that need to be recorded in a single entry.

Vandalism With a Point, and the Fascination with Anti-Heros.

I was waiting for the subway in one station when I saw something that caught my eye.

If you ride the subway (and chances are good you do if you live in New York City and especially if you commute to Manhattan often), you know that vandalism in the subway stations is really common, and it is especially true when it comes to the sticky announcements. Faces with painted mustaches, with bubblegum on it or with written things are among the things you see in the subways.

So, this is what caught my eye: I have no cable TV but I know Showtime has all these popular shows, which are all lumped together in the same announcement. So you see the pictures of the protagonists of Californication, Weeds, The Tudors, State of the Union, Diary of a Call Girl and Dexter. In each of these, the vandalist wrote the moral flaws of these characters with the words "Hero?" under them. I don't remember what did he put in State of the Union, but I can tell you about the other five:
Californication: "Sex addict. Hero?"
Weeds: "Drug Dealer. Hero?
The Tudors: "Poligamist. Hero?"
Diary of a Call Girl: "Prostitute. Hero?"
Dexter: "Murderer. Hero?"

Well, Showtime seems to have a knack for anti-heros these days. Or maybe they are reflecting 21st century obsession with anti-heros? Are we recognizing we are humans or are we, as a generation tired of heroes who save the days in traditional ways, but we just don't want someone we identify with?

A Great Colorful Week

Last week was great in many ways (Although it was ominous in others, like the death of a dear friend of the family!

Monday: Went to Bryant Park for an international chat. It was interesting being with average joes and plain janes besides the tent where they were celebrating Fashion Week! Unfortunately, I could not stay for long because I had to go to see Bottle Shock at the Quad Cinema with another group. Not only the movie was worth it (not exactly a classic, but it was worth my 10 bucks!) but then I moved on to talk about the movie with two of the guys of the group in a cozy coffee shop! My perfect night!

Tuesday: A Friendly Neighbour decided to help me out to save while buying groceries. He took me to Costco's where he is a member and adviced me what was worth buying there!

Wednesday: Sattvic and I went to watch the game of the Mets Vs the Washington Nationals live! It was the first time for both of us and the first time watching a game. It was funny because then Sattvic and I both discovered we were both afraid of heights, but were watching the game from such a height anyway.
That night, we both returned to Jackson Heights and we both talked about love. We seemed to be on the same page except that at times I seemed more bitter. He said that he has been in love, and I replied that I am not sure I was ever in love "although I did love the guys I was with, and suffered for the breakups. He would tell me that his belief was that this kind of love comes with time and with the right person. All this discussion was while eating a Mexican food.

Friday: Sattvic was bored and decided to come over to my place. We watched Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo, and I showed him this blog. So in other words, he is the second person offline and the first in New York that knows about it, but we have grown to be very good friends and I am not being too revealing or personal in my blog anyway, so why not.

Saturday: I went to the art galleries of Chelsea on my own and then met G., Chaitya and Aish in a Jazz Bar in the West Village. It was yet another of those perfect nights! A jazz bar and four gals! (It felt like a Sex and the City chapter at times!) The only complaint I have is that I don't like to drink in public places and I had to pay 13 dollars for the stupid drink and had to force myself to drink a bit. G. gave me some ideas about how this could be worked out next time. I overall had fun with the gals!

Sunday: Another solo coffee shop day and then went to buy a variety of vegetables. Also caught up with Nishant (who is in India, but is moving to NJ (Woo Hoo!) and with S, after a while not chatting (Dang, when is he visiting New York anyway) I am also planning the weeknights with Swapna. I topped the week cooking an awesome pasta with vegetables, tomato paste and fake meat. Delicious!

The First Philosophical Entry: About Those Dentine Ads...

(Warning: It is cross-posted in my Livejournal!)

One of the things that attracts my attention about many of the subways in New York City is that publicity about a product or show takes a whole car of a train for promotion of a product.

Last friday, however, publicity worked on me. I saw those Dentine ads all over the cart I was riding on my way to meet a friend. Basically, this group of ads was playing with the ideology of how the internet seems to be, well dehumanizing us and what should be there instead. For example "The Ultimate Instant Message" is a picture of a kiss. "Friends Requested" has two people hugging each other. And "Chat Room Full" has a group of people lying on each other. And in the bottom of the ads, they say such things as "close the browser, get close" and stuff like that.

Of course, this is not the first time that such a philosophy is used to sell a product. I wonder what many media critics have to say about this. For me the whole thing was intriguing. What has a gum that cleans teeth has to do with re-humanizing us humans anyway? Will Dentine return that? What about bloggers like myself? Should we become lecturers.

I am not one who plays in the anti-Internet campaign, mind you. I love it! I love the possibilities it gives me to communicate with others! It brought me the possibility to meet likeminded people offline here in New York.

Anyway... I think those Dentine ads are, indeed, intriguing.

Looks Like I Need to Get Back In Loop

OK, I have come out of the shadows.

I have gotten to know more of Astoria. There is a meetup group devoted to dinner here, and I go from time to time. I already went to Indigo Lounge and I shared my table with an interesting bunch of people including a smart American gal who has travelled to a lot of countries (can't remember her name). The guys were fun too. I am looking forward to meet the group again.

Last saturday I hung out with G. to watch a Hindi movie: Bachna Ae Hasino. There, I met two of G's cousins who were cool fellows. We went to eat at Coffee Shop Bar and talked a lot before I visited Ganesh at his university. Ganesh told me he was attracted to me and I turned him down. I am not ready to tell you why yet. In fact, there are other changes in my life that I am still not ready to tell. Hopefully, Ganesh and I are still good friends. He is a very cool guy to hang out with.

As for Bachna Ae Hasino... The ending was happy but unrealistic. I would have prefer the ending with the protagonist's redemption alone, but what to do.

Today I was going to watch a movie or two at the ACE film festival. I am still deciding. Satvic told me to be careful because there is going to be a storm, so I am really having second thoughts. And if the weather shows any indication, I don't think I will go down to Manhattan to party either. However, Sunday is full of options...

I am frequenting Sattvic's company quite a bit. We have both gone to the park in Astoria, as well as Central Park. JS and N. would join us (or to be more accurate, I would join them) and we went to Chipotle in Amsterdam Avenue. The Burrito Bowl is a good option for me, since I don't eat the bread in the Burritos. I also met the Ganesh Mandir with Sattvic and his mother.

The other thing. The Kid dissappeared from my life. We just wanted different things from each other.



Yesterday, after a visit, Sattvic left me on the 3oth Avenue in Astoria. I decided to eat at Goswabi on my own. I highly recommend the Veggie lovers sushi. It is delicious.

An Enjoyable Blast From The Recent Past

I can tell you one thing. The week before last one was overall wonderful and most of the bad things happened for a good reason (Exception: loosing my camera. *sniff*)

So anyway, on Saturday, I went to meet the guys from the Retreat I met in NY. The only one I met in a more or less regular basis was Satvic, so it was nice to see the rest of the NY gang. We met at Rocco's in West Village (and I, indeed, wondered one thing: How come one gets lost when it comes to meeting with friends? This never happened to me when going solo, or maybe that has to do with my opennes to spontaneity). We ate at a paneer restaurant as well, and while I wanted to watch a French movie my sister recommended (and Satvic wanted to follow), we all ended up watching Pineapple Express, which has a typical independent movie aesthetic to it. Despite the fact that I thought I would miss the chance to watch Tell No One. That I did on thursday night, and I met two souls there. I forgot the name of the theatre at the moment but I know it is in South Houston between first and second Avenues. Not far from the Gita Studies I go with Satvic to.

Last tuesday, I went to the Bohemian Beer Garden in Astoria. It was a lot of fun, and I met a few people I am hoping to catch up with in the next event. It will be great! The place is really nice, and I am glad I made it there before it starts to get cold. I think Ganesh told me about this one before, so it was great to go.

Let us jump to Friday. I went to the movies with Satvic. He knows Queens like the back of his hand, so he walked with me towards the movie theater. We both ate in Panera Bread (I have to take Swapna there) and then we went to the movies.

Satvic surprised me on Saturday. He told me to go to his place to go to the Hindu temple in Manhattan with his family. I said "surprised me" because the original plan was meeting him there. I guess New Yorkers can really be surprising at times. At that temple, we would celebrate the birth of Krishna, or Krishna Janmasthmi. There was a crowd of people of different ethnicities. A great thing. Everyone was dancing, and helping out. I even met one neighbour I want to get to know better. It is good to know people who live a few blocks from you!

As for today, I am going to the Himalaya Tea House to discuss Middlesex. I have yet to read it, but I have never been in a book club, so I guess it will pay. In addition, I am taking a typing course online to type faster.

See you next week, lovelies!

In Which I Explain Why Do I Have a Hard TIme Blogging Without Saying Too Much

All I can tell you is that there have been some changes in my life, but it is still to early to know where I am headed. Things for the time being look promising, but I don't want to get too excited yet. As the path becomes more clear and solid, I will tell you what it's all about, but this is the reason I have had a hard time blogging; it is hard to tell the public about undefined situations, especially when much of your life is devoted to such projects.

But man, I have not gone to Manhattan for quite some time and I miss it!

I want to see my old classmates soon. Especially Vic and Som. I wonder if there is any way I could join these two together, since they were classmates too, and both live in New Jersey. Tomorrow I am going to Jersey anyway, so I will take time to call both.

Today I will go to the Indian Parade in Manhattan, and see a few of my retreat friends. I am also planning to go tonight to watch Tell No One.

Cravings: Your Worst Enemies... And other Things that Set New York Apart.

Cravings can be your worst enemies... But in my current case, it has nothing to do with dieting and everything to do with keeping the budget.

I had a big craving of rice and vegetables. So, I tried to look for a place to eat that stuff and I ended up eating in a Brazilian buffet.

Now, in my experiences, buffets in New York are different than buffets in other cities by one important factor: they weigh the food and you pay according to the weight. An annoying thing if you ask me, because you have to be carefully arranging the food so you don't pay more than what you intend to pay.

I can't remember the name of the Brazilian buffet where I ate today, but it is located in Broadway, if you get down of the train and the bridge on the left side.

Another anecdote of New York singularities: I was once returning home with The Kid when we passed by the New York Sports Club, a gym close to my home, also in Broadway. The Kid asked "Instead of going to those gyms in Manhattan, why don't you go there?"
"Because this is New York City." I replied.
See, I would love to go to that gym. In a perfect world, I would afford it. But reality is that you go to gyms according to your budget rather than according to the distance or whether you like it. I don't even want to try new passes. I would suffer.

And is it just me or some lounges are becoming the economic answer to clubs, at least in Manhattan? Lounges are too small to get a pack dancing, and I think that with age I have grown tired of small places that are too crowded. Last saturday I went to Leopard Lounge/Sing-Sing after I met VJ for dinner and I didn't last too long in there. I felt claustrophobic, to tell you the truth. Besides, it was, well "one more party," but I went to meet The Kid there.

A Walk in the Neighbourhood

Sunday was devoted to a walk in part of my neighbourhood. There were some interesting things to learn about it...

For example: Steinway can have different personalities. A big chunk is a mall (pretty much) with all the stores of different price ranges (New York Co. and Bennetton are two stores in this streets!) But the further you walk, you end up entering in the Middle East!
New York never ceases to amaze me!

The wide range of prices within the same block, for which also I made a mistake that costed me! I entered to a cafe, attracted by the music and the ambiance, but I was intrigued the menu only had prices in the coffee... I ended up paying $21. YIKES!

Also... I NEEDED to cut my hair. The first salon charged $25 without shampoo and blow drying. I refused to cut my hair there! The second one, in the same block was $15... See the differences within the same block? Dramatic!
I have struck a friendship with a very nice Greek lady who lives three houses from me. In a country famous for an individual not knowing their neighbours, this is comforting.

And this is why I love New York. So much exploring even around the corner. Now, I will love to know where is the Museum of the Moving image.!

Jersey and the Accents.

Last Friday was the day to visit Suburbia again... I went to Newport, New Jersey and found The Kid there. The going to Newport gave me some surprises...

1. The mall is great! and some necessary things will be bought there, I think, like makeup.
2. The Jackson Heights of Newport (I wish I knew its name). And they had a great authentic quality of Indian food as well. I forget the restaurant where we eat, but boy, the best dosas I had in a while are there.
   

The Kid also became romantic with me again. Especially during our return from New Jersey to New York. I like the physicality of it all (No, no sex, but the mere hugs, kisses, holding hands) and strangely enough, I feel a mixture of flattery and suffocation when he shows jealousy when I talk to or about other guys.

Ironically enough, there was a Latin party in the Guggenheim, but it became late in New Jersey to go there at all. I was tired

So, what else.

On Saturday, I went to the Gita studies... And it seems Satvic and I always find each other in the same train. When we returned, we talked about many things, like his observation that, while the Mandir can be a place for spiritual pursuits, it can also serve as a network. Satvic and I talked so much in the train returning to Queens that I missed my stop, but it mattered little. Then, Satvic and I started talking about accents. I was making the observation that, like me, Satvic came to the United States when he was 19 years old (and I don't know his age, but I assume he is either my age or no more than two years younger). My accent is this exotic mixture from nowhere, product of refusing both the horrible South Carolinean accent and having a majority of friends from everywhere but South Carolina back in college (and that includes American friends, most of whom were from different states, or second generation foreigners). Satvic, instead, speaks like a perfect New Yorker, and I told him that "But of course" he replied, "I am a New Yorker." Then came the compliment that made my day... I always speak with a smile in my face! I was not that aware of it, you know.

Don't worry, I won't get cocky about it.

A Pool Closes, A Pool Opens, Dollars I have to Make worth... And the Weekend's best Laid Plans.

1. Not having bought groceries last sunday, I have had to eat my breakfast outside. It has been for the most part $1 Nature Valley bars that I buy on my way to work. Except for today, when I went to Starbucks and took one small protein shake from a brand of smoothies I don't remember. It is low in calories.
2. Today, however, I ate bits here and there, perhaps because walking a lot in the middle of the heat makes you hungry and loose energy. Let alone that I had a very busy (and very accomplished) day at work. So I ate a small sandwich at Thalia, an ice cream yogurt, a cereal bar and some chocolate... I guess I am going to have to walk a little less...
   
3. I explored some stores, including Sephora. I experimented with some makeup and I was pleased with what I got. It looked natural but I looked more fresh. I will buy this next friday with my fat check (don't get me wrong, I won't burn all the money, OK?
4. My best female friend and ex-roommate in college, who I will call Swapna (oddly enough, this is the second time I rename someone with the name of someone else I know. But this is the name that I can make a connection with) is coming to New York this coming September. I told her she could stay at my house, something I will tell Jess soon. Swapna's fiancee, "Harshit," might come too, reason for which I need to investigate an accomodation. Swapna comes both for a course of Genetics here, and to look for a job in New York. As much as I love this apartment and I am very pleased with Jess, if Swapna lands on a job and has not married Harshit at that time, I will move with her... That will be in a year though.
5. So anyway... On the job front, things have got much better. I started seeing four clients and I even saw five today. And even in complicated cases, I managed. It boosted my confidence as opposed to last week.
6. On Sunday, I went with Satvic to a Mandir (for those not Indian or familiar with Hinduism or Indian terms, Mandir is synonim of Hindu Temple). It is North Indian and Bengali for the most part, but it is near my house. I am still eager to go to the South Indian Mandir in Jamaica, the Ganesha Temple with the Jeweler, but I will have to talk to her. Or maybe I will go on my own. I am most familiar with South Indian traditions, and my trend of having a bunch of South Indian friends has not changed since I moved to New York. But I will definitely will come back to the mandir near Astoria quite often.
7. But speaking of friends in communities, tomorrow there is a Latino party in Guggenheim. There is also another one on Saturday. I want to go to the one on friday because it is more of a networking event. I was telling The Kid that I don't want to party every single friday and saturday. At 29, I have noticed that doing this in two consecutive days wears me out. Now imagine me doing this every weekend. I need more variety, you know.
8. I will work extra hours three days a week. It will be a welcome gain of extra money, extra experiences, and some other good advantages.
9. Touched base with G. We will see each other next week. I need to touch base with quite a few of my classmates!
10. Yesterday I went to the Y! Gym (I enter for free as a perk of working at the agency where I work). It was WAY BETTER than I expected.
11. I am reading Personal Velocity, by Arthur Miller's daughter (The name escapes). It is a great book!
12. An asshole from my earlier years of highschool was talking about me in Facebook saying that I was planing to get even on everyone. And I am getting even, as the best revenge is living well. I used my real name at the time, and right now I am using my nickname, so there is no way for him or the rest to tell that I am around. I knew this because the only worthy classmate I had pointed me to that forum. That confirms I have no interest in connecting with those people!
13. Ohh! Back on Sunday. I went to Jackson Heights and invested in a deal that was there. So, in that store, I was calling the lady Auntie and she asked me if I was from Afghanistan, which is something people tend to ask when I am in Muslim context, wearing a proper South Asian dress. I tend to get mistaken for a lot of nationalities, but this was the first time I was mistaken as Afghan while in jeans and a shirt (I Usually get things like "Italian" "Israeli," "Egyptian" and the sort. G pointed out the equation: "Saying Auntie + Dark hair + Tall + Fair = Afghan/ Persian." I knew in New York, which has double and triple the diversity than South Carolina, where I lived before coming here, people mistaking me for other as the Latina I am would multiply... Interestingly enough, also more Latinos identify me as one of their own without me having to speak. They speak Spanish to me immediately!
    
14. That's all I have so far... Unless I remember other things.
    

Adaptations, Studies, Economy and a Period of Learning

Once August start, I will start studying for my LMSW test. For now, my biggest concern is adapting to work. Last week, it was challenging. This week, so far, my boss seems pleased with my progress, but I need to do well at any rate.

Did I talk about the New York City Parks and Recreations gyms? Didn't I? OK. They are good, especially the ones in Chelsea and East 54. Now, do NOT expect an Equinox or other fancy stuff! They are nice enough though, with all the necessary equipment, and even though I admit I miss my university gym, this community center ones are enough for me. I plan to alternate these with the Y! gym in Manhattan, because it is free for the employers of my company. Tomorrow I am planning to go.

S. called me last thursday, because he was going to India. He called me from the airport minutes before he left. That is very sweet of him. Last sunday I spoke to him via chat also and he told me Hyderabad was more crowded and other more changes last time he went. "I feel like a tourist here, " he would say. "Streets that used to be familiar to me are completely new." Made me wonder what should I expect from Hyderabad when I go there... Something I plan to do within two or three years.

Let us go back to thursday. I hung out with CK once again and he made some confessions of his own. He is married, but there are issues in his marriage that turned him into a very cynical person. He was also telling me that he saw the same with his friends. I have met another guy with sort of the same vision than him, a guy I used to go to school with. I am basically talking about views on marriage, sexuality and the life of couples. Both of them agree on one thing: live your life as you wish but be clear with others so they don't get hurt. If they get it, enjoy. I will leave it at that.

Now, I guess this is the time I can learn about every view in the continuum. The Kid also told me he does not believe in love either, but he believes in Romance. So, what exactly is love for people? Is it that life in New York turns people into cynics. Is this one of the points in Sex and the City (especially Candance Bushnell's book as opposed to the TV series, although the series had much of it!) Is this a view exclusive of New York? Or is it all over the place? At any rate, sometimes I think, if this is true, I feel I have confirmed being happily single.

So anyway, I guess I already talked about the parties I went last weekend in my last entry. On friday, at the birthday party of Eric Vega, I met Ganesh (I know a Ganesh in real life, and it is not him. Remember that I am changing the names of the people in this blog). It happens that we just clicked. It is like my friend the Jeweler was saying: "In New York, you either click with people or you don't." Ganesh also told me something along these lines when I met him. We went to a place to eat sweets at the Lower East Side (I wish I knew the name! It has a really good Tres Leches, a desert so good that many countries in Latin America claim it their own, although I am humble enough to say that it came from either the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico or Nicaragua) and then we stayed talking at the Union Square for a while. I spent a good time with Ganesh! He called me on Sunday to check on me and see that we could possibly get together in the weekend.

On Saturday I finally met the lady I will call The Jeweler. She has a beautiful jewel store at the Upper East side of Manhattan. She was telling me that the economic situation of the US of A is being felt in businesses like her own. I then met a Turkish friend of hers who was in more or less the same situation... That made me follow both things with interest: the economic situation (although I thread with caution, because these days is hard to tell realistic concerns from naive optimistm or scandalous pesimism) and how the presidential candidates are willing to solve this mess. So yes, I am also following the elections with more interest than before.

At night I learned another lesson; part of the reason I am a bit tired of clubbing (or at least not into it as I was in my early and mid 20's) is about how hard it is to meet people. I honestly prefer networking events, retreats and gettogethers. The last bunch of people I met in Tonic, a bar restaurant in Times Square was right before the Indian-themed party in the second floor, for which they were coming. It is funny that I got the attention of one of them because he saw me writing.

I am also looking forward to meet VJ sometime this week. He lives in Connecticut, but close enough to New York.

Wait for part 2 of this series of entries. I need to finish the pool so the cummulative effects do not come anymore.

The Entry Where I Talk About Networking...

Everybody knows New York is expensive... But that does not mean one has to do things, like staying prisoner in your house.

And with the crowds of New York, it can get lonely...

But it does not have to be this way. One simply has to go carefully, risk some, and network some.

So, for one, I use Meetup and know some people through it. Orkut and Facebook help a lot, but Meetup allows you to meet people in addition to know any good activities and groups.

Another weapon is going to networking events. G. was in an organization that was hosting an event at the Sundaran Tagore Gallery in Chelsea (by the way, I should go to Chelsea more often to see the galleries. It is like entering to mini museums of Modern art. And for free!) I met quite a few souls there.

Also, I went to two parties this weekend: Eric Vega's birthday in Webster Hall (located in the Lower East Side) and an Indian-themed party in Tonic (which is in Times Square!). And I have met some people there.

The retreat I had in May was another good way to meet people.

Also, I have a book called NYC Free and Dirt Cheap as a guide.

So, see, New York can be fun for people under a budget too. It is all a matter of knowing how to manage.

These Past Two Weeks Part 2: Central Park Concerts and The Kid

Well, as you know, there are a lot of free events at Central Park this summer. I already went to my first free concert in which I enjoyed Dengue Fever and Rachid Taha. There, I also finally met the guy who in this blog I will call "the Kid." Like me, The Kid is pretty much starting his career here in New York. We both met some of the members of Dengue Fever, and it was great fun. Once the concerts finished, we walked a lot of avenues in Manhattan to end up eating in a restaurant called Agra at the 6th street (between Lexington and 3rd, I believe), and the kid was clever enough to make sure the waiter would get very authentic food (even though it was North Indian). This occurred after trying to eat at Fig and Olive only to realize that it was beyond our budget. Ever since, The Kid and I have given each other a lot of company, hanging out together everywhere. There was a party at Tavern at the Green and we both went together. We also dined together at Tierras Colombianas here in Astoria (not the best choice for a vegetarian person on a tight budget, even with someone else paying and all. The juices are amazing though, and The Kid loved the sweet plaintain with Guava paste and cheese), and then we hung out together and flirted a lot in Bungalo, a lounge in Broadway street not far from that restaurant. Really cozy, and decent music to dance (with the occasional annoying reaggeton).

However... The Kid and I are not dating, but he for sure loves to flirt with me. The thing is that right now I am trying to figure out my life and perhaps enjoy my happily single status, at least for a while. Besides, I have discovered that I have a hard time with casual relationships. I am not sure what it is about me that I end up getting too involved. It might not happen, but I don't want to take chances.

All this said, maybe I will soon meet the person that makes me change my mind about singlehood, but I want to enjoy it until/if such thing happens.

But despite the flirtation and constant company, I am clear on one thing: The Kid and I will not be an item. Like I said, he is five years younger than I, on the other hand, I don't feel like committing right now and I am not good at casual relationships either. I will probably talk about it in another entry.

The last incidents with The Kid occurred this weekend. On Friday, I don't think I was in my best behaviour. After eating with my friend Smee (will talk more details about that in a next entry), I knew that the party was at Webster Hall at the Lower East Side. So I came with The Kid... But left with someone else. (And before any of you assume, I can assure you nothing happened).

So, to compensate for Saturday, as soon as I found out that there was a Desi Party in Tonic (via three guys I met there), I called the kid and urged him to come, which he did. I made him meet the other guys, and finally, we left. He flirted with me and told me twice that he wished he was 32. He can be funny like that

OK... More to come soon. I need to break down the pool of entries so I can update weekly.

The Why's Rules, and Procedures of This Blog.

There are reasons why am I doing a public blog about my life in New York. Perhaps for some of you there are purely egotistical reasons. Some of these exhibitionist reasons are there, but there is a lot more to it.

First of all, I have a blog in Livejournal and I am faithful to that blog. While the events in this blog are based on my real life, the nature of my blog in LJ is more intimate. That one is a blog I use for purely therapeutic reasons, and I don't mean rants alone. The nature of the entries here might be a bit different, part of the reason being that I cannot force anyone to be members of LJ, especially when they don't blog. Besides, I don't want all the readers to know about certain topics, and that is an advantage LJ offers, to chose which fellow LJ ers can know what. Of course, if any of you wants to get in touch with me because you happen to use an LJ, that is fine, especially if you live far away. Otherwise, sometimes I choose a public topic for public LJ entries too.

Anyway... Why the Blogger version of Life and Philosophy in the Urban Landscape?

1. Exhibitionism aside, I want to expose my life with a purpose. I want to communicate the successes and pitfalls of a person with a learning disability living in a city like New York. I want to touch people who are challenged in certain ways and give them faith, but also give a realistic portrait of my entrance into adult life. I came this far of graduating in a country that did not birth me, making it in communities that did not birth me, and right now, looking for more personal growth. It is a matter of inspiring others, and occasionally even myself.
2. To communicate with old (and even new) friends IF they want to do so. This is a way of not imposing myself in a way an e-mail would smack as. I have left many friends behind who might want to be in touch with me, and I think a blog can accomplish this kind of communication.
3. To be able to network with other wordsmiths.
4. To pave the way for less personal and more intellectual blogs.
   

Anyway, there are some rules and procedures.

1. Intimate details are out of the question. This is after all a public space.
2. The people I talk about are real people, and because of this, I will alter their names. Such alterations can go from the initials of their names, to name changes, to nicknames.
3. In that tradition of name alterations, don't expect me to reveal secrets of friends, or very intimate details about THEIR lives. If such friends are reading this now, you can rest assured that your secrets will be safe with me.
4. Like I said before, I compile details in a diary and from these details I will decide what can and cannot come to the blog.
5. I will mention a lot of places in the New York City area... Because they are awesome or not so awesome, and because they are part of my life.
   

In addition, apparently this might turn into a weekly affair. It is hard for me to update this blog daily with such a tight schedule like I am having now. Fridays and/or Saturdays might be my designated day.

Stay tuned... If you want.

Last Couple of Weeks Part 1: Starting Work , Moving to My Apartment and Figuring Out My Budget.

Thanks partly to lack of internet at home it took me a while to come back to keep you guys posted about my life again (and read of you in the process) didn't it?

Anyway...

There has been way too much going on these past two weeks that I am going to have to break it down. I will try, however, to summarize as much as you can, so it does not feel overwhelming.

I started to work, and so far, it has been a good experience, although I am still adapting. I will talk as little as I can about work because, after all, I work with a lot of clients, so confidentiality is a paramount. I can tell you, however, that I have become well acquainted with Elena, the Puerto Rican lady in the cubicle across from me.

One of the things of living in New York is the awareness of how expensive it can be, and how one has to look for ways for 1.Figure out one's budget, and 2. How to balance the check and buy good things in cheap prices. Or at least decent prices. So, for the time being, my lunch and sometimes even my dinner consists on protein shakes, except for saturdays, sundays and, well, some fridays. This has nothing to do with diet and everything to do with prices. One of the protein shakes, the one I lunch on every day, is $2.25 in the deli I eat it at. The other one has less calories and more protein but is slightly more expensive too. $3 or $4 depending on where you buy it. The upside is that I am loosing some weight, but not very rapidly. In the weekends I eat with friends and oftentimes they pay my meals totally or partially. And by the way, my job gives me an hour of lunch break which is nice, because I can take a walk towards Broadway, or seat in the sun, but whatever I do, I will be out of the stress of work, which trust me, some days can be stressful. I do enjoy my job thought.

Speaking of body issues. I got a new Gym subscription at the New York City Parks and Recreation gyms. I can go to any of them in any of the five boroughs and all for $75 a year. I am starting tomorrow.

I also finally moved to Astoria, which is a beautiful zone in Queens. Manhattan is Manhattan, that is true, but Astoria is pretty damn good with lots of cafes, stores, bodegas to buy fresh fruit at cheaper prices, and some other nice surprises. I think moving to Queens has been one of the best decisions I have made. I still love Manhattan, and stay there long after I finish working, but Astoria is really great, convenient and has places to enjoy on those nights you are too tired to go to Manhattan but still want to have some fun. Also, I have double the space Gabby has in her apartment for more than half the price.

I live with a white American gal, Jess. We get along well so far, and each of us is also doing her own thing, which is the best kind of roommate to have after a good friend. I felt really motivated to clean the house on my own because of this.

I am also happy that G. got a job in New York and is still here. The rest of my classmates are in the suburbs (Jersey, Long Island) so it is good to have someone in one of the boroughs. But also I have made a few friends along the way.

I will break it down in days to come. These are just the first details.

Back on track.

I know I have let you down for two weeks. But lack of internet at home makes a blogger difficult to blog. I have been compiling everything I have to write here in my notebook, and I think I am going to break it down. Stay tuned! Sometime tonight or tomorrow I shall post.

Hopes, Tough Times, and Fast Advances

My first days in New York have been interesting.

Friday: Went to see my first two apartments, both in Astoria (a beautiful area in Queens). I liked the first because my roommate would be a girl, the kitchen was big enough and it had enough closet space. The second one had a very small bedroom and I did not like it. In addition, I went to a job interview. At night, my friend VJ and I were planning to hang out, but I was really tired, and was going to tell VJ I would cancel. He canceled first ad I could not be happier.

Saturday: During the day I saw one apartment in Sunnyside Queens that I loved. I had a very spacious bedroom in front of the room, a decent enough kitchen, a cute little dog, and a guy who would not be there at night because he owned a night club. On my way, Satvic called to invite me to some Gita studies, but it was so unfortunate I was busy.

In the afternoon, I went to eat with my uncle Ant. and my aunt C. to 212 New York. These are people who have been good friends of my family, particularly my father and my uncle. We were laughing, remembering childhood memories and eating a good breakfast food.

After a beauty routine, and buying a few shirts my sister was suggesting, I returned home to become in contact with BB, an old Facebook friend. We met at the Korean Path, where he was staying. We were trying to look for a place to eat and chill out, and we went through much of Times Square with that purpose. I was afraid that I would choose a restaurant that would end up being expensive. We ended up in a restaurant in the 8th avenue, which name I can't remember. When I read the menu, I thought it was expensive, but he replied it was nowhere near as expensive as Dublin or London. Still, even though he asked for the most expensive entry ($30) I settled for the appetizer ($10... Very expensive for an appetizer).
After that, BB and I went back to the hotel and waited for his friend Raj. From them on, we went back to Times Square searching for a bar or club. We even entered to Hard Rock Cafe, but got out immediately. We ended up at the jazz club at the Columbus Circle, but we were in the third to last song. Then I decided to return because I am still staying with Gabby, and I don't have the key to her apartment.

Sunday: This was a bit of a frustrating day to me. I had some rashes in the skin that did not let me move very well. I saw a couple of apartments. One was too far a walk for the train and too small. The other one did not even have a livingroom. Then, the guy of the Sunnyside apartment called me and I said that I needed to meet him before a final decision, so we decided to meet on Monday. At night Bijilash called to invite me to go to the sight-seeing bus with him, but I was too itched, and needed to wake up tomorrow early.

Yesterday and Today: Work went great, and they are willing to give me a work permit if I pass the probation. YAY! In addition, I called the Sunnyside apartment guy twice, and he did not answer. But Jn called and I accepted. When I was going to look for the key, the guy paged me saying that he would not be in the apartment that night and whether we could finalize details tomorrow, but I made up my mind. (Besides, what guarantees me he would be there tomorrow if he could not keep the appointment and would not call me?) So, now I have a beautiful room in Astoria with a female roommate and three trains nearby! At night, I ate at the apartment of my uncle and aunt, and we went to the sun deck... There was a wonderful view of New York. Too bad I did not bring the camera!!!

And also... Ck, a guy I met at the subway called me. It happens that we were going to meet today, and we had to put it for tomorrow. But then he said "I want to have a date with you." ERRR WHAT? I will go, but I would like to warn him that this is not a date, and that I am not ready for dates. I just need to find the appropriate tone and words to be polite. Either I am overprotecting myself or some people go way too fast!

As a sidenote: The adjustment to New York. Gabby advised me to be highly restricted these first few months in order to figure out how much can I save or I have left from rent and basic needs. My awareness of New York being expensive is making me scared. Before you jump on Gabby, this is something I know already, and from time to time the question of whether I will be able to survive New York haunts me like a ghost. Of course, what I desire the most is friends. But still... I feel scared.

Landing In New York... Where it all Will Unleash

Between yesterday and today, I have been feeling very edgy. It might be due to the stress of change. I was not coming here with the smile on my face I expected to arrive with. For a neurotic person like myself, being over the edge is not a good thing.

I hope I find an apartment within a week. I was going to have my first two interviews but I canceled both. I was (and still am) extremely tired. Tomorrow, however, I have two or three interviews for apartments. Let us see how those go.

I have plenty of things to do and I need to organize my time. I need to keep studying for the licensure, send things to the ASWB of New York, and hopefully I won't need to cancel social commitments. I also need to buy a pair of jeans and a good partying shirt.

During my trip in the plane, I was feeling bloated and with stomach pain. And feeling bloated means partially feeling fat.

Ahh and now the reasons about coming to New York (aside for the fact that I have a job and friends here).

My sister was a fan of Sex and The City, and there was some quote in a chapter saying that girls came to New York looking for love, or something like that. But I feel I come to New York in search of my destiny or, to quote Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist, to search and live my personal history. Quoting others aside, I need this time and what is happening to me. My heart is soft and I need to make it hard. I need to defy some of the expectations and conventions society has imposed on me, perhaps in a bigger way than I have been doing so until now.

As I landed, clouds covered New York City. I was feeling as if this was a present I was unwrapping, or as if I was feeling in front of the curtain for this chapter in my life.

Summarizing the last two days. (Two days away from my return to New York)

Okay, after studying yesterday, I went to Damen. This is an avenue here in Chicago that is famous for its artistic scene and its cafes. When I entered to Reckless Records, which is a record shop famous for having a wide selection of Chicago's local underground bands, and other underground music... It downed on me that I might be one of the few, if not the only Hispanic in the shop. I made a deconstruction of the experience in my other blog.

After that, O. T. paged m. OT is a lawyer and a third generation Mexican American whom I met in Livejournal, where we both blog.. This would be the second time this guy and I would hang out together. He lives in Chicago, but it is in my third visit here that we had the chance to meet personally. We ate at Earwax Cafe (which, despite the potentially repeling name, it serves excellent Vegetarian sandwiches), and then, he decided to show me a bit of the city.

We both walked to a bar in Milwakee, which name escapes me. The owner was very friendly and intelligent and we three talked about politics. We were discussing the possibilities of McCain winning, and he came with the theory that McCain might pick Condolezza as his running mate. That would be the ultimate irony, but I think this election has been about ironies and about being a bit more frank about issues that in America are pretty much taboo (institutionalized racism and sexism still alive). I think I will go about this in my other blog.

Back to the bar: different concerts, and as far as bars go, this one looked really nice, albeit too dark for my taste (but maybe lights were not on because it was still daylight). Then, O.T. walked me much of the way through Damen and we stopped in a second bar. At the beginning, I was reluctant and I wanted to go to the lounge besides it, but I felt I was too informally dressed (it was all in the shoes), so we ended up in the bar.

Aside of the fact that smoking is forbidden in the bars (this law has NOT been passed in South Carolina as I write), the bars here in Chicago have ambience. While I still prefer lounges, I have hope in finding bars with it.

Right after that, OT walked me to the station and we talked a lot about many things. He is an awesome guy and I would definitely love to hang out with him again.

Then, I spoke with SJ, one of my long distance buddies I met rather randomly. We have talked for a year and have built quite a good friendship. He placed new pictures in his profile and I went through them... That after he buzzed me to say hi. Tired to type to him, I decided to call and we talked for a while. Sometimes it is much better to hear a friend's voice. It feels more human.

Today was rather boring. I was disappointed because I wanted to get out for the second to last time before going to New York. But at least I could concrete some appointments of people who will show me apartments (mostly in Astoria, a zone in Queens that I love). In addition, I have various hang out propositions. Let's see how it all pans out.

Arrangements and Displacements

Before I start writing, I might want to warn that for now, I have plans about protecting the privacy of my friends. I will either change the names or use initials or key letters in their names . Of course, I won't spell very juicy gossip either.

Summer greeted me yesterday in a funny way. My otherwise toned down makeup was slightly stronger, and I hope it did not look too dramatic for the day.

I was testing how would it feel like to write inside of a moving train. Lesson learned: the city trains are not good places to write.

This weekend was more socially intense than my average week in Chicago. First, I met KK and Bh, two Telugu guys living in Chicago who I met in the camp I went to in New Jersey. And on Sunday, I visited a married couple of friends.

One of the clear signals that I am in a big metropolis was surrounding me while I was waiting for my friends: the quantity of people and cars, people with extravagant makeups; a whirlwind of activity in other words. For someone who lived in rather smaller and quieter college towns during my first decade in the US of A, this signal hit me full force. Weekends in South Carolina tended to be more shut down.

Anyway, KK, Bh and I walked to the lake, all the way to Navy Pier. During a break of the lake, I noticed some wonderful and weird bicycles (too bad I could not take a picture). As soon as we arrived to Navy Pier, the guys bought tickets to Kung Fu Panda, and then we went to eat in an italian restaurant there (Name forgotten!). I was very curious about the cheeseless pizzas, so I asked for one, and I shared it with the guys, while trying KK's pizza (also without cheese. Plenty of tomatoes instead).
Kung Fu Panda is the first movie I watched in an I-Max theatre. And really, the quality of sound and image was good... But the content of the movie left a lot to be desired, even for a Hollywood production.
After the friend I was going to hang out with me cancelled plans, KK and Bh walked me to the closest Brown Line station. Unfortunately that left me wonder, when will I see the nightlife of Chicago? Then again, I am also wondering when will I see the musical scene of Chicago. I would love to go to Loolapalooza and the Pitchfork festival, but I doubt I will be able to go this year. Maybe next time.

As for Sunday, I visited Radha and Nashu. They are an absolutely awesome couple, and it was nice to see them cooking together. This also made me confirm that arranged marriages can really work for some people. Now, I am not one to recommend everyone to take this path, nor quantify or generalize about people who partook this. As a matter of fact, I have witnessed both sides of the coin when it comes to this issue. But in some people, when done right (meaning, getting to know the person and having a say in the partner), can succeed at times.

One theme arrived in conversations this weekend. Yesterday KK and Bh told me about their intentions to return to India, a theme that re-appeared in today's conversation. See, I am a foreigner who has been out of Venezuela for 10 years. The first few years I wanted to return, but I also visited often. Because of a combination of circumstances, I had to abruptly stop visiting, and that, combined with the political deterioration of my country made me loosen my connection in some levels. Nowadays, I tend to advice others that if they want to return to their countries, to do so while they are not used to America (or whichever country they are at), so the transition is smooth. Such issues as marriage, jobs and, in my case, getting used to how things work in this country and the lifestyle I "created/adopted" here, can make the transition more difficult. I, for one, have lost all hope to go back, although I will still identify as Venezuelan (more on this in future posts. I am sure this will be a recurrent theme). To be honest, this is one constant pain in my life, but I have learned to live with it.
Nashu brought this up when we were talking, because Radha says he did not see dramatic differences between here and India. Nashu said that one of his colleagues went to visit in India and then said that, while she loved it, she was glad of being back in America. Although he also said that, in his experience, transition can run more smoothly when you visit your home country very often.

Ahh tomorrow I will be back with the same studying routine. I return to New York next thursday. Hopefully by then I will be ready to take the licensure text.

Okay, My Muse Wins, I will Start Earlier!

I was intending to leave this project to the time I would move to New York (which, by the way, it is going to happen next thursday). I figured it would make more sense to do so because of the new chapter in my life that would start right there. Well, apparently my muse was desperate and had other parts. Perhaps I should blame it to the anticipation of a new chapter to come. Besides, Chicago, where I am right now, is another urban landscape that will be part of my life in years to come.

Some , if not most, of the things I write here come from a notebook. Why is this?

I have a digital camera. I use it to take pictures of whatever I find worthy wherever I go. When it comes to pictures, I tend to be pretty spontaneous. Then, when I transfer the pictures to my computer, I tend to select the ones that will go in the internet albums. This is the same case with the notebook; I will chronicle significant happenings and thoughts whenever it is possible to me, before I forget them, and then see if they are worth being in the blog. This will let me analyze, determine and edit the content before it hits here.

I wish I could just carry the laptop, but there are advantages with the notebook. No need to turn it on, just open it and it's done; and it is not as heavy. Especially when it comes to walk through the city and considering my current pain in the back, it is important.

Preview

So, if you look at my bio, it says it all. I just graduated and I am almost thirty. In many ways, I have accomplished things I have dreamed about: having a job in New York, seeing some of my former batchmates and having a circle of at least one of the kinds of people I love to hang out with. So the new stage of my life is having a good start.

But there is still uncertainty. And anxiety about uncertainty is the price I pay for looking for excitement.

I don't know how exactly will I chronicle this new stage. I guess I will have to see other blogs about how people tell their lives. I also want to use this as a way to communicate with some of my batchmates.

I have another blog in Livejournal. This blog is more complete in that sense. But I lock the entries and show it to members because that one is more about a therapy. I am wondering if changing names or using initials with people will do the trick.

This is not merely to tell my life or rambling about that. It will hopefully be about those aspects of what happen in my life that make me think... and hopefully the reader can relate.

Stay tuned.

Announcement

This blog will start once I am in New York City, in the middle of next week. Stay tuned!